Crying after a Peak Experience. No. More running psychology

I was going to write about crying after receiving rewards, crying after achievements, crying after the fulfilment of a dream, crying after orgasms, but I figured I'll save those for later.

During the run, there was a time when I began to feel very tired, and began to slow down.

When you slow down in the middle of a big bunch of runners, you see people streaming ahead.

And I felt left behind. Weak. Less worthy. Unworthy. Defeated.

And I began to wish I trained more. But then I thought about all the people who are lean, and have naturally high metabolism. And those Kenyans.

I'm not naturally lean, nor chubby.

It was a painful emotional state to be in.

But then I thought about why I was there.

I am not a running addict. I do it when I feel like it, which has been rather often. I run when I'm happy, I run when I feel the least stress. Running and the ability to gain endurance is just one of those things I as a human being evolved to do very well, apart from thinking and talking.

I was there because I like running in open air, exposed to the elements. It makes me feel fully alive.

But then I looked around, and I still felt slow. I felt small. I felt like the world was making me feel small.

Then I realized it couldn't just be me who felt like this. And it was just my programming, which I could also change it to whatever I wanted, if I wanted to.

So I decided to be whatever I was, world be damned.

And I laughed all the way to the finish line.

And I am still laughing now.