Emotional Dishonesty/Disconnects... and Why I Blog

Big things have small beginnings.

It is sometimes difficult for people to fully feel their own emotions.

Example.

Say I am thirsty in front of the computer.
I may find myself struggling as to whether I should go and get that glass of water.
So after a while, without conscious and deliberate action, my thirst is forgotten.

This is a small example, related to procrastination.
But this is procrastination working on a different level, the emotional level.

"I must obey the world."
"I am nothing in the world. Everything matters more than I do"
"The needs of the few will never be more than the needs of the many"

In the real world of life-changing decisions, this could mean delaying good decisions and taking bad ones, sacrificing one's interests and getting into win-lose situations.

Like this one.

I got this demanding client which has a habit of putting down my work, hence persuading me to give up personal time to deal with work and bending the truth to accommodate - stupidest shit I've ever done.
At first, my emotional disconnect with myself led me to not react at all. But gradually, I did have to process it.
Me A: "What could I have done to make it better?"
Me B: "But that did seem like quite a significant bug."
Me C: "I feel like crap."
Me D: "That guy is just rude."
Me E: "Maybe I'm not that good."
......
And so, I had this loooong discussion in my head. Eventually, I came to see that they were all true. And I realized it was all perfectly logical. What's more, I saw the negatives in a positive light.
Yes, the problem could have been resolved by better skill, but fundamentally, there was a problem with the process.
Yes, I have much room to improve.
Yes, it was a noticeable bug, and bugs seem bigger when one is angry.
Yes, I felt like crap.
Yes, that guy wanted me to feel crappy.
Yes, I had an emotional disconnect. Yes, I'm also very good at diffusing such situations once I pause and think.


Or another Example.

"Hey Gene, how're you doin'?"
(It still takes a while for me to warm up to the question, so I start off with ...)
"I'm good, you?"
(It takes some time to reach the depth where I talk about the good and bad of my day, week, etc.)

It's this emotional disconnect I find in myself, after a time of intense concentration on something external, like a model, design, program, code.

Writing helps bridge the gap between our feelings, thoughts and reason, for to write requires all three.

There are many writers who write specifically because they are unsatisfied with something in their lives, or just curious, interested about something. Journaling is a frequently prescribed part of modern therapy. 

Everybody can benefit from connection.
Writing has been an enduring and powerful way to communicate across great expanses of space and time.
Everybody should write.