Thought of the Day #3

cut the sh*t!

Fan Noise Meditation

As I sat in my room, waiting for Windows to update itself, my attention turns to the fan noise.

So in the beginning, I hear an oscillating whirl, wavering between high frequency and low frequency.

But as I slowly focus myself on the high frequency, the tone becomes more and more of the high frequency.

And as I decide to hear nothing, it slowly tunes out of my hearing and I hear nothing at all.

To be continued........

It's like what the zen masters call "taming the monkey" or "stilling the candle", when they talk about the tendency for a mind to wonder.

I call it calming the fan.

Awesome Intro to Men's Issues.

An interesting interview with Warren Farrell, former feminist, now a "men's issues advocate".

http://interviewly.com/i/warren-farrell-apr-2014-reddit

MOTIVATION

All throughout my life, I have seen men repress their feelings. As a boy, I don't know how many times we are told not to cry, not to speak our minds, not to be true to our feelings, to be tough.

I don't believe for a second that repressing one's feelings or pretending that one is fine when one has been hurt, that this makes one happier. Repression, defenses make such issues harder to fix.

As far as I can see, it's not actually a gender issue, but there is a lot of room for improvement, for males. Just look at the stats for mental illnesses, incarceration, crime stats, suicide rates, addiction rates (eg. smoking, drug use), life expectancy... the ground to cover is as vast as all of human history and will be an multi-generational process.

Growing up, I began to see social expectations, massive gender biases. Ridiculous as it was, I did not really have the skill, courage, clear-headedness to point it out.

I also go to therapy. One of the misconceptions about therapy is how it's just about the client, the issues they want to work on and the goals they want to achieve. No. The further down the rabbit hole you go, the more issues you see in not only yourself, but in the people you've met in your life, and the relation to the results they get in their lives. You see possible reasons for why she is a feminist, why he became religious, why he is in that job, why he smokes. You begin to see below the surface and identify strengths and dysfunction in people. And gradually, you start to wonder why isn't everybody in therapy, particularly men.

Just as psychology has been getting more popular all the time, the conversation about men's issues is really just starting.

I am no collectivist. Unlike feminism, "men's issues" is avoiding marxist ideology. The male gender is not viewed as a collective demanding "collective rights and freedoms", but only as an attribute of the individual and the effects of being biologically male.
There are no activists, feminists trying to change the rules. There is no government intervention, no initiatives, no lobby. Instead of collective action, it is about self-improvement, self-determination, seeking and spreading the truth.
There is no making-up of narratives, no playing-the-victim, no affirmative action. In the place of these, is analysis and discussion about how to change this at the grassroots level, in organizations, in the family, among peers, in oneself.

There is only one tool. Pointing out the truth as one sees it, with facts and reasoning, and offering possible solutions.

THREATS

Talking about men's issues can be hazardous. For one, many men don't know what it's about. On the other hand, it goes against social justice warriors (eg. SJW), political correctness and feminism, very much mainstream trends. Within the "Men's issues" community, there are many schools of thought, which spend most of their time competing against each other. Each school of thought sees their part of the elephant. Men's Rights Activists see the legal problems faced by men as the center problem. Masculinists want to replicate feminism for men. MGTOWs see male desire, commitment to long-term relationships as the cause of many problems. Misogynists see any problem faced by men and point at the female gender.

But the biggest threat, by far, is failure to spread and export values. As with any religion, faith, philosophy tech, culture, idea, meme, the limits to growth remains the willingness of its members to spread its messages far and wide. In the context of men's issues, it dies when its members let people turn a blind eye to the problems most commonly faced by men and yet are continually understated and not solved.

WEAKNESSES

The primary problem with Men's Issues is that it is a broad bunch of inter-related issues. There is no specific, well-defined problem.

For example,

...


//To be Continued

Exploding Companies

"Supernova are pretty awe-inspiring, but you don't want to be anywhere near one." - Gene.

Have you ever had a company that you worked closely with shut down? Like a contractor, vendor or whatever?

I have. One of the small vendors we used to send projects decided to stop operating because its founders decided it wasn't for them and went their separate ways. To be honest, they were expensive and weren't all that good.

It's a strange feeling. It's a quiet, realistic, down-to-earth moment, like someone died, or a house is being torn down, or some OOP object was destroyed. It's in-the-face reality, spare nothing at all. Looking back at it is like some macabre fascination with that which have died.

Being at least somewhat able at reasoning, I did see it coming. Like the China crash.

Still, nothing beats actually seeing it happen.

Tired after work

Have you ever had those times when you became relaxed and suddenly realized how tired you are?

It's been happening to me recently. Outside, I'm energetic and effective, but when I get home at night, I feel tired.

I think I'm subconsciously adopting the "game face" thing I get annoyed at others for doing, for being fake.
It's also amazing how tired 10 hours of truly focused, non-repetitive work can make you.

I guess I need more sleep. Night! :)

Update: After 10 hours of sleep last night and a nap after lunch, I'm feeling better. I felt like throwing up shortly after writing this, and it was mortally frightening.

Assumptions

Critical thinking is a habit.

It is possible to train the subconscious to see the assumptions and break there to call conscious attention to it.

You just have to question enough assumptions to make a habit of it.

We do all sorts of assumptions, all the time.

Here I go.

That you have to turn the water tap to max to get a satisfying shower.
That traffic is always a bad thing.
The ancients were somehow different as human beings from us.

That emotional security can be achieved through external means.
That you have forever on this world.
That you have all the time in the world to fix your stuff.
That there must be an afterlife.
That the show must go on.
That people like you think like you. (projection!)
That things have to be the way they are.


...

Your turn!

On Stockholm Syndrome.

Wow, slaves who loved the slave way of life.

http://www.americancivilrightsreview.com/slavery-whatexslavessaid.htm

When you think about it, it is logical. Slaves had to think it wasn't all bad, or they would have thrown away their chains and slavery would not exist anymore. Slaves also had to think that slaves against slavery were dangerous to everyone and had to be reported and eliminated.

That was the only way slavery could continue to exist.

Human beings, in general, have the ability to adapt to any circumstances, including being slaves.

Lest we forget, there was a time when slavery was the norm.

Emotional Dishonesty/Disconnects... and Why I Blog

Big things have small beginnings.

It is sometimes difficult for people to fully feel their own emotions.

Example.

Say I am thirsty in front of the computer.
I may find myself struggling as to whether I should go and get that glass of water.
So after a while, without conscious and deliberate action, my thirst is forgotten.

This is a small example, related to procrastination.
But this is procrastination working on a different level, the emotional level.

"I must obey the world."
"I am nothing in the world. Everything matters more than I do"
"The needs of the few will never be more than the needs of the many"

In the real world of life-changing decisions, this could mean delaying good decisions and taking bad ones, sacrificing one's interests and getting into win-lose situations.

Like this one.

I got this demanding client which has a habit of putting down my work, hence persuading me to give up personal time to deal with work and bending the truth to accommodate - stupidest shit I've ever done.
At first, my emotional disconnect with myself led me to not react at all. But gradually, I did have to process it.
Me A: "What could I have done to make it better?"
Me B: "But that did seem like quite a significant bug."
Me C: "I feel like crap."
Me D: "That guy is just rude."
Me E: "Maybe I'm not that good."
......
And so, I had this loooong discussion in my head. Eventually, I came to see that they were all true. And I realized it was all perfectly logical. What's more, I saw the negatives in a positive light.
Yes, the problem could have been resolved by better skill, but fundamentally, there was a problem with the process.
Yes, I have much room to improve.
Yes, it was a noticeable bug, and bugs seem bigger when one is angry.
Yes, I felt like crap.
Yes, that guy wanted me to feel crappy.
Yes, I had an emotional disconnect. Yes, I'm also very good at diffusing such situations once I pause and think.


Or another Example.

"Hey Gene, how're you doin'?"
(It still takes a while for me to warm up to the question, so I start off with ...)
"I'm good, you?"
(It takes some time to reach the depth where I talk about the good and bad of my day, week, etc.)

It's this emotional disconnect I find in myself, after a time of intense concentration on something external, like a model, design, program, code.

Writing helps bridge the gap between our feelings, thoughts and reason, for to write requires all three.

There are many writers who write specifically because they are unsatisfied with something in their lives, or just curious, interested about something. Journaling is a frequently prescribed part of modern therapy. 

Everybody can benefit from connection.
Writing has been an enduring and powerful way to communicate across great expanses of space and time.
Everybody should write.

Wow, check out the new HKO website

I go out for some air and check with HKO, looking for a thunderstorm warning.

And I see this...

http://www.hko.gov.hk/contente.htm

Nice! A little amateurish, needs some tuneups, but otherwise great.

Greece, EU, IMF & the Iron Lady.

A timely speech, back when it all began...

"No, no, no."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HWEqy62isw - Part 1.

Thoughts of the Day #2

1.
Many significant but entirely solvable problems are problems of priority.

Explanation:
The only reason why something becomes a problem is because of misaligned priorities.

Example:
Bugs. Serious, known bugs that break an application usually happen because for whatever reason, the serious bugs were not fixed before delivery.

2.
If all it takes 
to make us censor ourselves 
is social awkwardness, 
the disapproval of others 
or being laughed at, 
we are FUCKED!